INTEGRITY

GAY EPISCOPAL FORUM

c Integrity 1977   ISSN: 0095-2184

Vol. 3  No. 7   May 1977

 

INTEGRITY:  Gay Episcopal Forum is the official newsletter of Integrity, Inc., a nonprofit religious, charitable, educational, and literary organization of Gay Episcopalians and our friends.  Integrity, Inc. maintains a national office with The Rev. Ron Wesner, President, 5014 Willows Avenue, Phila., PA 19143, tele. 215-748-2118.  Membership and subscription correspondence should be sent to Forum Business Manager, Dave Williams, INTEGRITY, P.O. Box 891, Oak Park, IL 60303, tele 312-386-1470.  Editorial correspondence should be sent to William Doubleday, Episcopal Divinity School, 99 Brattle Street, Cambridge, MA 02138. 

 

Signed articles represent the views of the contributors.  The editors reserve the right to revise all sexist language. 

 

Copyright 1977 by Integrity, Inc.  10 issues per year.  Membership subscriptions are $10; subscriptions without membership are $12.  Add $3 for all subscriptions that require plain envelopes; Canadians add $2 if paying in Canadian currency.  Couple rates are $13 for one newsletter. 

 

President................................ The Rev. Ron Wesner

Vice President................................. John Lawrence

Secretary...................................... Donn Mitchell

Treasurer............................. The Rev. John Lenhardt

Assistant Treasurer........................... Paul Chervenie

Editor............ next, Bill Doubleday; retiring, Louie Crew

Business Manager.............................. David Williams

 

Trustees:     Ernest Clay, Louie Crew, Julie Peterson,

              The Rev. Richard Younge

 

PRAYERS BY MALCOLM BOYD

 

Excerpts for Forum from Am I Running With You, God? by Malcolm Boyd. Doubleday:  May 1977.

 

This book is dedicated to

Those who have learned integrity and dignity

in their lives...

look into the Lord's face and laugh

with grateful joy.

 

I am Malcolm

This is my baptismal name.

I am male and a Christian.

I am an American and white.

I am Gay, as you know, Lord.

 

Essentially I am a person created in your image, God.  I am also a sojourner, a pilgrim, a runner, and one who wishes to be free but still belong to a community.

 

I never liked masks, yet have felt forced at times to wear them. I have lived in two different parts of life, seemingly split down the middle of my being.  Let my naked face now be seen by others as it is seen by you, Lord.  Let me look upon the naked faces of others in all their created and natural beauty, and not upon fabricated, complex, painted masks that obscure truth.

 

Let me move closer into wholeness, and help others to do the same, as I openly share the fullness of my being.  Why should any part of my life be withheld from communication with others or treated in a secret or shadowy way?  For I am warmly and happily grateful for joy and love, and the unfettered sharing of these in your wondrous world.

 

I thank you with all my heart for my creation and wholeness, God. ++++++

 

They're prophets, Lord, and they're gay.

 

They stand inside your church, and know a whole­ness that can benefit it.  Long ago they learned that they must regard the lilies of the field, putting their trust in you.

 

Pressured to hide their identities and gifts, they have served you with an unyielding, fierce love inside the same church that condemned them.

 

Taught that they must feel self-loathing, nevertheless they learned integrity and dignity, and how to look into your face and laugh with grateful joy, Lord.

 

Victims of a long and continuing torture, they asserted a stubborn faith in the justice of your kingdom.

 

Negativism was drummed into them as thoroughly as if they were sheet metal.  They learned what it is to be hated.  Yet, despite such rejection, they insisted on attesting to the fullness and beauty of all human creation, including theirs, in your image.

 

They are alive and well and standing inside your church.  Bless them, Lord, to your service. ++++++

 

In utter isolation I cried out as a stranger upon the face of the earth.

 

I thirsted for feeling and love.

 

I hungered to hold life in my hands, my arms, my mouth, and the fullness of my eyes.

 

I yearned for a sense of true relationship.  I wanted to receive and give human respect and love.

 

Relationship was never so simple for me a rolling over like a log and falling into a nice fire.  Invariably I wondered what were the human motivations and feelings of another person in my life.

 

It was all such a mystery to me -- my existence, another person's existence, the fact that we knew each other; and the wonder that we had somehow managed to cut our way through endless complexity in order to find in present stillness the core of communication and joy. ++++++

 

My hand touch, grasp, and move

     My legs stretch out, cross, walk, stand still, and run

     My mouth tastes, eats, drinks, kisses, shouts, whispers,      talks, closes, and opens

     My stomach fills, empties, growls, hisses, and is silent

     My shoulders bend, twist, lean over, and are straight

     My hair is handsome, ugly, long, short, wavy, dry, oily, and      falls out

     My genitals are quiet, aroused, normal, mysterious,       functional, private, and public

     My back is unbending, bent, and filled with nerve ends

     My head is the most familiar view of me held by most people

     My heart is unseen as it pumps away, yet the character of it       is seen by everybody in my actions all of the time

     My eyes are the windows of my soul, although some­times I try       to pull down the shades

     My body is a mystery, God.  And so is my soul

     Help me to understand their wholeness

I am grateful for my body, God

     I want to give it food, drink, iron, tenderness, and love

I am grateful for my soul, God

     I want to give it flowers, iron, humor, visions, and love Thank you for sanctifying my life with the gift of wholeness. +++++

 

I feel the motion of abandonment

I am abandoning

I abandon

I yield myself absolutely

I surrender all my inhibitions        I fly

I release my chains and claims        I dance

I let go of the railing               I run

I trust completely                         Laughing

I give all                                 Yearning

I open all the way                         Praising

I spring                                       Am I with you?

I dive                            Am I running with you, God?

                            ++++++

 

She is a figure in my childhood memories.

 

I remember her as a vital, beautiful, highly talented young woman.  She befriended me when I was a lonely, hurting child.  I felt unattractive and unloved at that moment in time.  Exceptionally supportive and generous with her time, she seemed genuinely to like me.

 

I felt accepted as a real person.  In her eyes I caught a glimpse of my own potential adulthood, and anticipated its coming with a degree of hope.

 

But I sensed intuitively that she was in trouble.  An aura of vague, unnamed criticism surrounded her presence.  Finally someone told me, ominously and fear­fully that she was a "Lesbian."  I had not heard that word before.  It was made to sound like a bad word.  I realized, however dimly, that she suffered societal discrimination and persecution as well as considerable emotional anguish.  Although she seemed to accept herself, obviously society did not accept her.

 

I can remember how I worried about the pressure of the pain that was forced upon someone who had unselfishly befriended me and whom I loved.

 

Why do some people wish to inflict this kind of pain upon other people, God, and justify their actions by saying that they do it in your name?  ++++++

 

If I told the truth a lot of people would be hurt, God.

 

I would be hurt, too.

 

Does it really make any difference whether or not I tell the truth?  The whole thing is way in the past.  Nothing can be done about it now.

 

In fact, isn't telling a lie in a case like this actually an act of love?  People, including myself, are spared pain.  Hard issues are not opened up.  Conflict and controversy are averted.  Sweetness and light are maintained, or at least the outward appearance of them.

 

What is truth, Lord?  There are truths all over the place, it seems to me.  But truth itself is staggering.  I am tempted, I realize, to define truth according to simply what I want it to be.

 

Why can't I remain a contented phony, Lord.  Must your truth force me to tell the truth? ++++++

 

Cries of pain encircle the world:

 

There are cries of hunger, dying, anxiety, torture, loneliness, brutality, depression self-concern, and a sense of anguish for the suffering of others.

 

I do not want to be shielded from the terror and volume of so many cries of pain, Lord.  My partnership with you in creation means that I must somehow be able to hear these cries, too, and absorb their meaning into my life.

 

If I only hear such cries of pain, and do nothing about alleviating their cause, I betray you, don't I, God?  ++++++

 

I long for the running of this new day

     But, God, I also have my fears about it.

     Yours is the power and

     Why can't I?

     Take my body and soul

     But give me

     I have this strong need

     Forever and ever

     I want

     On earth as it is in heaven

     Show me

     Your will be done

     How shall I?

     Faith, hope, love, but the greatest of these is

     God, here is my hand

     I hurt.  I'm hungry.  I itch.  I fear.  I struggle.  I hope.       I thirst.

     God, you know I'm a short-distance runner

     Yet the course to run is long

     You are loving, ready to run with me

Am I running with you, God?  ++++++

 

Am I Running With You, God? is copyright, 1977, by Malcolm Boyd. Used with his personal permission.

----------------------------------------------------------------

 

PSALM

 

By Kenneth Shedd

 

If at

every moment's

center, there is a seed

of tranquility, you alone

are my sower.  The harvest hours

we share, through sunlight and

cloudburst, linger in memory,

golden.

 

WILLIAM DOUBLEDAY TO EDIT FORUM

 

Fr. Ron Wesner, president of INTEGRITY/National, has named William A. Doubleday as the editor of INTEGRITY:  Gay Episcopal Forum, effective 19th May and beginning with the June-July issue.

 

Doubleday is the current convenor of INTEGRITY/Boston.  He received his M.Div., with distinction, in June 1976, from Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, MA, and was refused ordination by The Rt. Rev. Alexander D. Stewart of Western Massachusetts because of Doubleday's acknowledged homosexuality.

 

Doubleday holds a B.A., magna cum laude, from Amherst College, where he worked in the field of American Religious History.  He was formerly a member of the Vestry of Grace Church, Amherst.  During his seminary years he served on the staff of St. John's, Wilkinsonville, MA, Church of Our Saviour, Arlington, MA, and Trinity, Copley Square in Boston.  While at EDS, Doubleday chaired the Admissions, Recruitment, and Financial Aid Committee of the seminary.

 

At the present time, Doubleday is teaching at EDS under a Jonathan Daniels Memorial Fellowship.  His courses in pastoral theology have included:  "Perspectives on the Church and the Gay Person," in collaboration with Prof. John H. Snow, and "Developing Church Education Programs on Human Sexuality," team taught with Prof. Edward W. Stiess.  Doubleday is also a member of the non-stipendiary ministerial staff at Emmanuel Church in Boston, where the clergy and vestry are fully apprised of his gayness.

 

Doubleday succeeds founding editor Louie Crew.

 

IMPORTANT BALLOTS FORTHCOMING

 

CONSTITUTIONAL REVISION  In accordance with our present Constitution, this is the first of two notices that our proposed revisions have been completed and will be submitted for ratification by our membership in the next issue of Forum, wherein a full copy of same will appear.  If ratified, the new Constitution will be in effect at our August convention.

 

OFFICER ELECTIONS  In accordance with our present Constitution, this is the first of two notices for the proper election of our national officers.  Fr. Wesner, our acting president, appointed a nominating committee of Louie Crew, Bill Doubleday, Canon Clinton Jones and Tom Walters, who met in Philadelphia on 11-13 March and nominated our current officers for re-election, or rather for official election.  Because of improper timing in such announcement last year, our present officers have been acting as temporary persons until such regular balloting could be effected, as advised by those members present at our second national convention in San Francis­co last summer.  An official ballot will carry these names in the next issue of Forum.

 

COME TO PHILADELPHIA THIS AUGUST

 

As announced earlier, the Third Annual Convention of INTEGRITY will be held this August in Philadelphia on 25th through 28th, Thursday through Sunday, at St. Mary's Parish, Hamilton Village, on the Penn campus.  All members are urged to reserve this space in their lives for important spiritual growth.  For earliest details, contact Donald Bentley, INTEGRITY, 5014 Willows, Phila, PA 19143.

 

DISGUSTED BY THE SHEER NASTINESS

By Jean E. Shepherd

 

The author of this response is in the Corps de la Paix in the Central African Empire.  She explains:  "I'm just so tired of stupid people that I feel I have to put myself on the line (for the first time in my life) publicly."

 

I am not at all surprised that the ordination to the priesthood of the Rev. Ellen M. Barrett has drawn the attention that it has: the reception of a woman, and a lesbian, into the traditionally patriarchal sacerdotal realm could not but raise the hackles of a society unprepared to complete itself -- know its Mother as well as its Father, you might say -- and to love it­self -- love its Mother as well as its Father.

 

But I am disgusted by the sheer nastiness expressed by and in the volume of letters received by apparently every bishop in the Episcopal Church in the U.S. pro­testing Barrett's ordination.  Malcontents remaining in the Episcopal Church after General Convention's decision to permit the ordination of women to the priesthood suddenly had a new scapegoat:  the transi­tion was smooth as the topic changed from sex to sexuality.  Barrett's strangely became a test case in a non-contestable situation.

 

Barrett was ordained priest legitimately by a sane and competent bishop, the Rt. Rev. Paul Moore.  Moore has repeatedly stated that Barrett is "qualified in every way for holy order."  And he has known for five years that she is Gay.

 

Where in the First and Great Commandment or in the Second, which is like it -- or anywhere in the Decalogue not to mention the Gospel, for that matter -- is there any statement that could possibly be construed to mean that a homosexual is unfit to serve God?

 

"They need to be saved from their self-destructive selves, and from society."  So do we all.  Why the Incarnation in the first place?  Who doesn't need it?

 

"Well, maybe lt's okay if they sit in the congrega­tion.  We just don't want any of them leading us, especially into situations which might encourage the erosion of traditional family lifestyles."  There are several problems here.  Any person seeking candidacy for Holy Orders to begin with is subjected to rigorous examinations and evaluations of personal character, academic ability, mental stability, and, of course, understanding of Christianity.  One would think that a potential candidate exhibiting serious character flaws -- including insensitivity toward and non-support of traditional values, as well as close-mindedness and a capacity for spiritual stagnation -- would be weeded out somewhere between the home parish, the sponsoring priest, the Commission on Ministry, the Standing Committee, the bishop, the psychiatrist and the MMPI.

 

And too, what constitutes a family?  Children?  Heterosexual heads-of-household?  We should never forget for a moment that those most precious elements of healthy cons­anguinal family life, love and respect, are central to the Christian family, too.

 

"Well, maybe I can accept a Gay priest, a long as said priest's homosexuality is unacted upon."  Sexuality is human, and to repress (or suppress) sexuality is to deny the individual complete humanity.  Christ came to make us whole.  God created humanity as company; we botched up and God gave us a second chance via the Incarnation.

 

Although some Gay individuals have managed to sublimate their sexual energies by way of creative artistic enter­prises, intellectual pursuits, athletics, dedication to assorted social causes or by living the ascetic life, many more who found themselves unable to cope with their innate sexual identity have sought refuge in alcohol, drugs, general nervous frustration and violence.  Is this constructive?  By contrast, those who have accepted their homosexuality have often found acceptance in some sphere of their lives and have proved to be decent, loving citizens and individuals.

 

"How can a Gay priest convey any sort of positive role model?" What kind of role model are you looking for?  I do not see how homosexuality can interfere with a priest's providing a spiritual role model.  Furthermore, is there anyone who can't think of a straight priest who wasn't exactly a paragon of virtue, and who even may have been a real turkey to boot?  What about that priest who so exemplifies all that is Good and Noble and it suddenly turns out that said priest is Gay?

 

What ever happened to the "Children of God"?

 

Finally, I find the decision of Presiding Bishop Allin and Dr. Charles Lawrence, president of the Episcopal House of Deputies, to refuse to appoint an openly Gay Episcopalian to the Joint Commission on Health and Human Affairs to be disgraceful.  In view of the appointment of Dr. Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse, "celebrated opponent of Gay Christians," to the Commission, these persons have clearly bordered on abusing their power.  I am angered and disappointed.

 

May the Holy Spirit guide us swiftly.  Peace and love to all.

 

Thomas spoke

 

About the bible view

of a man & a woman

And I could not deny the richness

of a marriage where each holds

the other up to God in a time-honored

manner, nor could I deny the existence

of psychological minorities;

to experience Jesus does not

mean change in the ordinary sense.

 

The shy are not made raucous

And the bold do not become meek.

He calls us to obedience

as we are, and with this

the miracle of Love comes

like honey upon our head.

 

                        --by Thomas Fraser

 

To Straight People

 

What do you mean, I can't sit at your table?  My dear, I never asked to.  Personally, I only want to sit down to my table and you in all your omnipotent glory not only took my table but then you had the unmitigated gall to tell me I couldn't sit at yours.  Assimilation, I believe it's called.  I never chose to assimilate, you know.  I mean, now really.  It seems you were the one who wanted to assimilate me, or better yet rape me of all I have.  Like some fine piece of heterosexual ass you have taken my culture and degraded it and fouled it with your filthy presence. Then, like the coward you are, you pointed to the bruises you inflicted and self-righteously said:  "See how they fight among themselves?"  My good sir or madam, you are a fool.

 

And yet you want to stand there and tell me you think I'm every bit as good as you.  In fact, you say, we are no different - basically, that is.  I beg your pardon.  After raping me how dare you tell me I'm on the same level as you.  You can steal my art and claim my books and stories for yours but I damn well draw the line when you come up to me calling me a liar and a thief.  And now you even send your priests scouting the climate.  And you stupid hypocrite.  those people are the voices who condemned me, and all of this comes at the same time your high court tells you. If you choose, you can kill me ... ­that is if its in the interest of the morals of the community.  You fettered, fetid parodies of human beings how you do rave on.

 

Would you really like to know how I see you?  Well, since you asked...  You look like so many monkeys at the zoo, pulling and poking at sex organs and then screeching like madmen when someone shows you what they are used for.  Why, my dear friend don't you go on vacation?  You are quite frankly beginning to get on my nerves and to anger me.  And remember, you are the one who said we are vicious ...

 

good-day         

                        --Joe Nix

 

MGA/newsletter, Jan 15, 1977, Page 5.  Used with the author's personal permission.

 

FROM OUR PRESIDENT

 

One of the better gifts I was given, when I was first trying to study the Bible as an adult, was the ­understanding of the characters in the Bible as liv­ing people -- people no better, no worse, than people I knew.  Learning that prophets then and now are often "disturbers of people," that leaders then and now have clay feet, but best of all, knowing contemporaries who are inspired by God, called out to be a voice in the wilderness.  The best is to see that God is present as much today as ever, in the lives of courageous men and women.

 

"The voice of one crying in the wilderness" spoke of John the Baptist -- a man who was rough, who often did not have societally acceptable discretions, who was an embarrassment, who dressed funny, who had a vision, despite the well-known unpopularity of visionaries.  Would you really like to know such a person today?

 

I do.  I know a man who lives in the wilderness -- if you can call an area which produces peaches and pecans and has red clay soil, a wilderness.  I know a man who has had a single voice, daring to call out with that single voice when it was nothing but a faint, off-key solo, asking other people who were Gay, and Episcopal, to join him in a movement.  I know a man who is a bit rough, who sometimes wears lavender, double-knit leisure suits he has made, amidst a people of Brooks Brother tweed.  I know a man who has offended, embar­rassed, scandalized those of us who desperately cling to the mantle of respectability.

 

I know a man who indeed has "prepared the way" for the Lord to enter in where His presence was felt to be unusual at best.  I know a man who has prepared the way for a people who were afraid to raise our voices, allowing us to gather and find strength and courage in that gathering.

 

I know a man who has given a great deal of himself -- time energies, strengths, talents -- sometimes with fanfare, sometimes with derision, sometimes receiving a cut on his mouth from a chalice jammed in his lips when he dared to ask for wine.

 

I know a man who is tired, and needs a rest, and who has asked for that rest.

 

This issue of Forum will be the last issue which Louie Crew will edit.  There will be changes.  These changes will be evident.  They will be appreciated by some, tentatively accepted by others. They will be inevitable.  To try to copy Louie would be a disservice to him and to us.  To continue what he has begun will honor us all.

 

Thank you, Louie .

 

And to you, Bill, you have our gratitude and good wishes and promise of support.

 

Louie isn't finished with INTEGRITY and INTEGRITY isn't finished with Louie, but he can get on to other projects and the raising of his voice in other ways.

 

Louie, instead of a gold watch, may we give you our love.

 

                        The Rev. Ron Wesner

 

EDITORIAL: A VALEDICTORY

 

Over a year ago I asked our officers to find a replace­ment of me as the editor of Forum.  I am pleased that Fr. Wesner has made his choice, and I join all of us in welcoming Bill Doubleday to this important assignment.  It is a pleasure to share with you his coming-out sermon in this last issue of my editorship.  Forum very much needs new life and energy to respond to the changing demands of our organization.  Bill Doubleday needs our support.

 

The greatest unattended need INTEGRITY has at the moment is that for a stronger financial base for our national office.  Our president, Fr. Wesner, has been too willing to work for nothing, and we have been too willing to permit him to do so.  We need a secure financial program to support not only his indefatigable efforts but also the efforts of such future additional full-time ministers as will inevitably be needed if our work expands to meet the needs of our people.

 

We now have no financial base for our president at all, no source of funds except infrequent contributions from isolated members.  Since we began as only a publication, our national financial base was designed only to make the publication self-supporting, as it has been; but we have long been much more than a publication, and we need to meet the challenge of our full ministry.

 

I urge you to review your own financial commitments and to make a significant increase in your contributions, understandably first at the local level visible to you if you are in a chapter, but also at the very significant national level where splendid work is being done in your name.

 

INTEGRITY is not a separatist organization, but very much a part of the Church.  It is fair to assert that without us the Church can have no wholeness, no integrity of its own.  We are the new wine skins for Christ's strong vintage for our times.  Give with a cheerful heart even as God is blessing us.

 

Recently I dreamed that I had died and gone to heaven to discover that God was really my bishop, Christ was really my vicar, and the Virgin Mary was Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse; grace was dispensed only at the whim of Episcopal General Conventions, particularly by the bishops who have been writing hateful letters to Paul Moore, Jr.  That nightmare was pure heresy, as I knew to my joy when I awoke.  We have an eternity to spend with these our fearful joint heirs, and we must continue to love them and to call them to fairness and to wisdom.  By the same Christ they are called to live that eternity with us, and it is high time that they begin to enjoy God's creation more fully.

 

We are all rightly concerned about many controversies among us as we work to built a community.  Still, our greatest "madness," our most startling position is the simple affirmation with which the first Forum editorial began 27 issues ago:  "The Christian Gospel is for all persons!" That is God's truth, and I pray that each of you will know the fullness of that joyful revelation in your own lives.

 

Ernest and I ask for your prayers as we continue in other aspects of INTEGRITY's ministry.  I want to thank everyone who has responded in any way to this very important work.  You are very much a part of our lives and are daily in our prayers.

 

          Louie, a Georgia quean, the child of God

 

Evolution

 

We were your vile and filthy beasts;

     We hated nature.

We were your witches and warlocks;

     Burning at the stake

We were your penitent sinners;

     Marrying rather than burn.

We were your discreet homophiles:

     Giggling in secret.

We were your Gay Activists;

     Tearing down the Family.

 

What?  We came from the family;

     We are still part of the family ...

 

Stunned we sit, overcome by former

     images of ourselves, by former

          images of you, our family.

 

What did we do?

     W hat did you make us do?

          What did we let you make us do?

 

Stunned we sit, weeping quietly and

     hoping ...

 

Stunned we sit, in our family, our new

     smaller family, welcoming you back

          into the family.

 

                        James Pressler

 

FORUM

 

Thank you for your letter of March 14th concerning my statements relative to Bishop Moore's ordination of The Rev. Ellen Barrett.

 

I gather from what you say that you are not questioning the position that I took but rather the way in which it was expressed.  That is a matter of inter­pretation and if it is perceived by some to be rather harsh that is regrettable and was not my intention.  Part of the problem arises because of confusion in people's minds which fail to differentiate between the Church's position vis-a-vis the homophile generally, and the Church's position on the question of ordination of homophiles.  Denial of ordination to a practicing homophile has nothing to do with the issue of the status of the homophile as a member of the Body of Christ.  People of all kinds are refused ordination from time to time for all kinds of reasons, but in no case does this mean that they are not full members of the Body, and the position that I have sought to take in this Diocese, and have urged others to take, is that position enunciated by the Minneapolis Convention, namely that "homosexual­s are to be considered 'children of God.'" I believe that and attempt to practice that, but I still do not believe that Bishops should ordain practicing homophiles to the ministry.

 

Immediately after our Diocesan Convention, in collaboration with the faculty at the School of Theology, Sewanee, we began a process of designing a four-part study program for this Diocese concerned with "the family and human sexuality" which will include a specific bloc of study on homosexuality.  This study program should be completed in April and will be available immediately to all of our parishes and people for study and use. As we begin to move into this, I will keep you informed of the progress we hope to make.

 

I am deeply aware of many homophile persons who are members of our Church, and I would certainly in no way want to make life more difficult for them, nor for me to be the occasion of further hurt for them.  Above all I want for them to be full, participating members of our eucharistic communities just like the rest of us sinners, no better or no worse.

 

With warm personal regard, I remain,

 

                       The Rt. Rev. Furman C. Stough

                       Bishop of Alabama

 

I have just been reading about the despicable role the Episcopal Church played in cooperating with the Government concerning the rights of people connected with the Episcopal Church's Hispanic Council [see elsewhere in this issue, page 1].

 

I think that we activists ought to show our solidari­ty with some of these other minorities who are as outcast as we are.

 

              Janet Cooper

 

I am now going to let you know what the Prison Staff does about sexual assault on other inmates:  nothing, if the inmate left no mark on the victim.  It is on my prison record that I have been almost stabbed to death at another institution back in 1971.  I would like some hints on ways to stop assaults from happening again.  I don't like staying in maximum security in order to stay alive, but I am not allowed to have any kind of weapon to defend myself.  I have made a vow that if ever I get back in prison population I will figure a way to stop such things from happening again.  I know now what a woman feels like when it happens to her, even though I am Gay.  This happened and I cannot say anymore about it.

 

              John Raymond King, 034729

              P.0. Box 747, Cell 5-2-N114

              Starke, FL 32091

 

I am an inmate and I would like to know if you would please help me out.  I am Gay and 42.  I get no mail at all from the outside world.  Could you please get me a penpal?  I will answer all who write me.

 

              James Grix, 73A-205

              Box 149

              Attica, NY 14011

 

I request your help in sending letter to W. H. Rauch, Warden, and Mr. Elton Webb, U. S. Attorney, Federal Building, Lexington, KY 40507, in protest of the assault and injury by two guards on 8th March 1977, by orders of assistant warden Neagly, as I was inquiring about my mail being held up by the authorities.

 

I am also charged with false charges of xeroxing letters to the news media, although Sister Evelyn xeroxed them, and it's not against any rules to send letters to anyone; also I have been threatened not to file writ pursuant to the ban on Gay publications.  At present I am the plaintiff on the class action by the National Gay Task Force, of New York.

 

The harassment is being caused by my exposing beatings and assaults on women prisoners by male guards.  I sent an article out to several papers and supporters.  I am still in the law library, but am protesting work until I get action on this bill. I filed several writs this week also.

 

Your help is always appreciated...

 

 

              Johnny Gibbs, Chair (#86976-132)

              National Gay Prisoners Coal.

              Box 2000, F.C.I.

              Lexington, KY 40511

 

Just a few lines to let you hear from me.  I am doing fine and hope that you are the same.  I am a prisoner, aged 40.  I have been confined for 6 years.  I am seeking correspondence from interested and concerned citizens.  I am looking for someone who cares.

 

Please allow me to thank you in advance for any and all consideration and help you may give me in this matter.

 

              James Walls, #28410

              Box 149

              Attica, NY 14011

 

Congratulations.  Clearly you have your work cut out for you, as is seen from the recent resolution of the 155th Episcopal Diocesan meeting in Augusta, GA.  However, similar resolutions will probably follow throughout the Bible Belt.

 

              John

 

Your correspondent "Paul" in your March issue should have more "Integrity."  The implica­tion of his letter was that a Toronto priest was seriously publishing banns of marriage for a dog in his Church.  The truth is that it was an hilarious bit of fun at a coffee hour with no religious implications.  The priest in question is not as eccentric as "Paul" would imply.  I trust your other news items and correspondence are not as distorted as this one.

 

              Silas

 

(It is sometimes difficult to judge the truth of those who write to us.  I do know that on Ash Wednesday my lover and I saw The Rev. R.B. Gibson on Macon TV in the act of pouring holy water over and blessing all of the automobiles of the parish.  I have inquired whether the concern shown to the products of Ford and General Motors will be extended to the Gay children of God seeking blessing.  Meanwhile, Paul has replied to Silas, below.    --Editor)

 

There was no intention in my letter regarding the heterosexual canines to cause offense to any person.

 

However, there was every intention to exercise the conscience of the clergy and laity to practice Christ's second commandment to all people.

 

              Paul

 

I want to thank you for your tireless work as editor of Forum and to tell you that I enjoyed the excellent article about you and Ernest.  Also, however, I want you to know that I believe some of the material in Forum is tasteless and a fair quantity is not of sufficient consequence or sub­stance to be worth my time in reading it.  More rigorous standards for material to be published would be helpful, even if the newsletter became smaller.

 

While I am truly grateful for your article about you and your lover [Feb. 1977] (note that I have clipped it out to save, but have never before saved any other Forum material), I believe that editors in general should strive to keep their name out of their own publications to avoid even the appearance of seeking personal publicity.

 

I hope you understand that these remarks are offered in a friendly spirit.  It is simply that as a member of INTEGRITY (Boston chapter), I hope that my personal opinions on these subjects will be given the same serious consideration given to the opinions of other members and officers.

 

Thanks for working so hard in so many ways to help all of us by promoting the cause of Gay liberation.  Receive a hug from your Gay brother.

 

Copies to the officers.

 

              George

 

I love your collects.

 

              The Rev. Roy Birchard

              U.F.M.C.C.

              Washington, DC

 

CHASTISEMENT FROM OUR EX-PRESIDENT

 

Listen.  I just wish to express how absolutely and utterly relieved l am to learn we have at least some con­cerned churchmen in our club, and that at least one Chapter uses its meeting time for constructive purposes.  I mean Boston [see John Lawrence's letter in Forum for March 77, p. 5], and that business about the obscene drawing you published in the January issue.  After all, I mean really!  As a Gay Christian, I simply cannot relate to male nudity, not when I know what our Lord said about it.  Scripture makes it perfectly clear, the drunkenness of Noah, remember?   Besides, if He intended us to be naked, then why did he create clothes?  And that goes for your Gay collects, too.

 

You see, Dr. Crew, as Gay Episcopalians, we have a great deal more to worry about than your everyday, garden-variety pansy pietus.  We have a long tradition of maintaining only the highest of standards ‑‑ we don't let just anybody into our church, you know--.  What will straight people think?  How can we expect them to tolerate us if they find out what some of us are like?  And how can anybody tell how elegant we are if we don't have our clothes on?  I mean, really, it's getting hard to hold one's head up at coffee hour.

 

Oh, I know you thought it was art.  Well, I know a thing or two about that, and I don't remember ever seeing Mr. Ello [the artist of the January drawing] mentioned by Mr. Bernard Berenson, Mr. Edwin Panofsky, Mr. James Saslow, or anybody who is anybody.  If Mr. Ello is such a fine artist, then why didn't he pose those naked boys with their hands together, palm-to-palm, fingers pointed up, the way Gay Episcopalians really look?  Or why didn't he put halos over their heads to show they were saints, or at least high church?  Or why didn't he make their penises real little, the way Mr. Michelangelo or Mr. Carracci or any real artist would have?  Is Mr. Ello a Ph. of D.?

 

No, Dr. Crew, plainly there is no excuse, and you are guilty of a most brazen breach of Anglicanism.  As a Christian, I am duty-bound to love and forgive, even you.  But I mean, really, I hope you've learned something from all this, and that Forum will be free of pornography in the future, both literally and figuratively.  After all, we cannot help being what we are, but we certainly can show some decent shame about it.  As Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse would put it, "Tsk, Tsk!"  I mean, really, after all!

 

              Jim Wickliff

 

In response to Jim Wickliff's letter [above], I would first point out that both my comments in the March and April issues of Forum were a matter of private correspon­dence with Dr. Crew.  They were not intended for publica­tion, and certainly were not meant to put anyone, whatever her or his choice of Gay expression, down.  I assume that Mr. Wickliff is not opposed to the expression of varying points of view, despite his letter which certainly might be taken otherwise.  Dr. Crew asked my permission to publish my private comments to him, and I gave it.  The best response to Mr. Wickliff comes from a chapter heading in Mark Freeman's recent book Loving Man:  "De gustibus non disputandem est" -- neither I with his nor he with mine!  And I still stand by my assessment that the picture and some of the collects were distinctly less than optimum in taste.

 

              John Lawrence

              Vice-President of INTEGRITY

 

I have been receiving Forum for the last year and a half.  It is good to know that within the Church there are some who do not suffer from the "unofficial acceptance - official censure" of the homosexual sensibility which seems to be so prevalent in the Church at large.  Living in an Episcopal School closet has not been much fun.  Forum has been a real life line to me here.

 

I am sorry that I missed Fr. Wesner when he was here.  The students really need help.  There is so much open bigotry, and so much behind-the‑scene guilt, that I find it all quite unhealthy. My attitude in my work here has been to encourage tole­rance, tolerance of all kinds, for minorities, and unpopular philosophies and points of view, but even that usually meets with sullen silence.  My philosophy has been:  I don't care what you are, but don't lie to yourself, be honest, and don't play at being something you are not.  I am not just talking about the sexual aspect either.  Do all students suffer from this crushing insecurity I find in this Episcopal school?  And yet on the other hand, hardly anyone here blinks an eye at some of the past scandals which have gone on here and have involved some of the seminary's finest names.

 

              Tom

 

I have greatly enjoyed and appreciated your writing in Forum.  Keep up the good work.

 

              Glenn

 

I am writing to report a change of address, but I thought I'd take this opportunity to say thank you.  Forum is an informative and objective publication that helps me see what Gays, and especially Christian Gays, are doing across the country.  More than that, INTEGRITY is an organization of which I am proud to be a member.  When I first read Forum (way back in issue no. 3, the early days) I liked what I saw, but I didn't really expect to see any great accomplishments.  Only a few short years later (about 3) the Church (and people) have recognized us and begun to accept us as their Christian Gay sisters and brothers.

 

Without being loud or obnoxious, I have always tried to be open about my sexuality.  Maybe I have been a small help to a bigger group that has done big things.

 

              Paul

 

I was truly sorry to hear from David Williams that you are resigning as editor of Forum.  I know you have weighed everything before this deci­sion, but I am still sorry.  In any case, you have done a truly wonderful job....  My heartiest thanks to you.

 

               The Rev. Grant Gallup

 

Thank you [Donn Mitchell, Secretary of INTEGRITY/National for your letter eliciting my support for H.R. 2998, the so-called National Gay Civil Rights Act.  It is my firm belief that there is more than ample civil rights legislation on the books to protect the individual rights of any person living in the United States.  Based on existing statutory authority, I do not believe that any additional legislation is needed....

 

 

              Hon. Garry M. Goldwater, Jr.

              U.S. House of Representatives

 

Thank you [Donn Mitchell, Secretary of INTEGRITY/National] for your letter and expressing your support for H.R. 2998, the national gay civil right bill.

 

I have directed my staff to obtain a copy of the bill as soon as it is printed by the House Doorkeep­er's Office.

 

You may be certain that I will have your thoughts in mind should this bill reach the floor of the House for a vote.

 

Please continue to keep me informed of all matters of interest and concern.

 

              Hon. Glenn M. Anderson

              U.S. House of Representatives

 

GAY SALVATION WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING

 

The author of this testimonial has stated that she will have to remain "fairly anonymous."  She added:  "You could identify me as a life-long Episcopalian, former vestryperson and former priest's wife, and a doctoral student in clinical psychology.  --Editor

 

I grew up in an active Episcopal family, going to church every Sunday, to church camps in the summer, and attending an Episcopalian girls' school for seven years.  Although I sensed I was "different," and that several close female friends, I didn't realize that I was homo­sexual.  I dated, but didn't especially enjoy it.  Finally, after my sophomore year of college, I married a man with the confused notion that this would make everything all right.  This man and I were always close friends, and remain so to this day.  However, extensive marital counseling, sex therapy, and long conversations throughout the eight years of our marriage made it increasingly more obvious that my main emotional and sexual orientation was towards women.  No matter how close my friendship was with my husband, it could never become the deep love which he felt towards me, and which should exist between husband and wife.

 

In the meantime, my husband completed college and seminary and had become curate in an Episcopal parish.  I had completed college, taught school for four years, and returned to college for graduate work in clinical psychology, leading towards a Ph.D.

 

On the surface, I had a comfortable living arrange­ment, the status of being a minister's wife, and my own incipient professional career.  But the love I should have felt towards my husband was directed towards another woman, and gradually both of us were being destroyed by being involved in non-reciprocated love relationships.  After much prayer, I faced the fact that I am Gay.  My husband and I agreed to get a divorce, and I was left with the problem of how to live as a Gay Christian.

 

A former rector I went to for advice told me that I had not chosen to be Gay, and that he could not see that God would hold that against me, nor that I should be denied a deep love relation just because it would be with a woman rather than a man.  When my husband and I explained the situation to the Rector and the Bishop of the parish and diocese where he is currently employed, they both expressed concern that I would be entering a very difficult life style, and their hope that I would continue to attend church and remain active in the parish.

 

Since then, I have had to "work out my salvation with fear and trembling" as a Gay Christian.  There are no established patterns of "right" behavior for me to follow.  Prayerfully I live from day to day,­ trying to base my life on love of God, my neighbor, and myself.  I am still active in my church, although only four people there know that I am Gay.  The Church serves as a solid channel of God's love, guidance, and grace for me.  I am deeply grateful that I feel free to belong.

 

On the other hand, I know that many of the people there who know and like me, would be shocked and quick to condemn me if they knew I am Gay.  And when I talk to my Gay friends about my faith, they tell me again and again of the rejection that they have experienced from Christians.  It is very hard for them to believe the good news of the Gospel, given their experience.  This makes me sad and angry, that anyone should dare to stand between these people and God's free gift of love.  And to a lesser degree, it makes me sad that I must hide so much of my own life from my parish family, with whom I would like to share more totally.

 

As to the morality of being Gay, I can say on a personal, feeling level only that I am becoming more convinced that God wants me to live fully the Gay life to which I have been called rather than to con­tinue the frustrating, fruitless effort to try to be heterosexual, which I am not, and cannot be.

 

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LOS ANGELES

By Rolf Jarlsson

 

Straights know a lot about Gays.  Ask any straight and he'll tell you all there is to know about homosex­uals.  Gay are effeminate. Gays are misfits.  Gays are hairdressers or interior decorators. Gays molest children.  Gays have their sex in public toilets.  Gays are perverts.  Gays are Communists.  Gays are all going to Hell.

 

But these are the prejudices of the Archie Bunkers and the rednecks of American society; they're not the opinions of intelligent, educated, sophisticated members of the Episcopal Church.  Right?  Wrong.  Consider the whereases and therefores of two resolu­tions offered to the 1977 convention of the Diocese of Los Angeles:

"Whereas, recent demands by homosexuals for acceptance and recognition by the Church have con­fronted the Church with an opportunity to make a prayerful consideration of homosexuals and a Christian response to their demands, and

 

"Whereas, persons who profess themselves as avow­edly homosexual are presenting themselves as appli­cants for Holy Orders;

 

"Therefore, be it resolved, that it is the sense of this Convention that we are all children of God; that homosexuality is both a spiritual disorder and sin and is, therefore, subject to repentance, forgiveness and healing; that homosexuals deserve the opportunity, as do we all, to come into a new life in Christ; and

 

"Therefore, be it further resolved, that the Church has the responsibility to commit itself to an active ministry to homosexuals to help them find their new life in Christ; and

 

"Therefore be it further resolved, that the Ministry of the Church require mature Christians with the capacity for self-denial founded upon their love of our Lord, Jesus Christ; that the Church should not, therefore, ordain into the priesthood or elevate into positions of authority and leader­ship in the Church an avowed homosexual."

 

--Proposed by the Vestry of St. James Parish,

     Newport Beach, unanimous action.

 

"Whereas, sexual perversion is specifically denounced by St. Paul as a mortal sin (I Cor. 6:9) and

 

"Whereas, proselytizing for homosexuality and the practice of same threatens the sexual constitution of civilized society; and

 

"Whereas, the homosexual priest will be bad for his congregation and for the effectiveness of the Church's work in the world:

 

"Therefore, be it resolved, that the Annual Meeting of the Eighty-Second Convention of the Diocese of Los Angeles is opposed to admitting homosexuals to the priesthood under any circumstances.

 

     --Proposed by Dr. Richard H. Reeb, Jr., Delegate, St. Paul's Church, Barstow, CA.

 

The dogmatic assertions made in these resolutions are easily refuted.  If homosexual priests are bad for congregations, how does it happen that a number of them have been elected bishops of dioceses?  If Gays aren't mature, how do they manage to sustain their self-esteem and sanity in a society which treats them as outcasts and pariahs?  Can many straights match the self-denial of a Gay who must live a public life in which he denies what he feels and thinks, denies the very self he is in order to pay rent and taxes and buy groceries?

 

The ignorance of Gay life revealed in these resolutions is astonishing to homosexuals.  A Gay can imagine what furor would be aroused by equally uninformed statements made about Blacks.  Gay people hope that straights will make an effort to learn something about Gays, but they realize that some straights are psychologically incapable of thinking rationally about homosexuals.

 

A young woman once came to see me for a counseling session.  She was enraged to be married and was having diffi­culties about original sin.  Asked to describe her problem, she explained that sexual intercourse was the original sin and she had doubt about her ability to commit this horrendous offense with her husband-to-be.  I opened the Bible to the Creation history in Genesis and showed her that sex wasn't and isn't the original sin.  Was she convinced?  Not at all.  In her mind she knew sex was the sin of Adam and it didn't make any difference what the Bible said.

 

You can explain very carefully to a straight that child seducers are usually heterosexuals, rarely Gays.  A minute later the straight will give you the argument that he doesn't want homosexuals living in his neigh­borhood because of the danger to children.  You can ask a straight if Gays who are stockholders and property owners are likely to be Marxists and in the next breath he'll assure you that "The Gay Thing" is a Commie plot.  Data, facts, accurate information are powerless to exorcise a cherished bogey.  The minds of many straights seem to be impervious to any enlightenment of truth about Gay people and the Gay experience.  There is irony here.  One of the symptoms of neurosis is the substitution of fantasy for reality and yet it is straights who con­stantly accuse Gays of being sick.

 

Straight people should reflect on the question of who's injured by antiGay prejudice and antiGay discrimination.  Who gets hurt?

 

A bank manager who's capable enough to be a vice­ president can't aspire to that position because his lover is a male nurse.  A lawyer who publishes expert articles on problems of arms control can't serve on the U.S. SALT team because he was arrested once in a police raid on a Gay bar.  An innovative, inspiring high school teacher who should be a principal can't be appointed to the job because she's been active in Gay Liberation.  Injury is done not only to individuals in such cases; society also suffers by depriving itself of these persons' knowledge, skill, and enthusiasm.  Further problems are created because bigotry makes antagonistic dissidents of active, intelligent citizens who want to be included in society as cooperative participants.

 

To Gays it seems absurd to attack homosexuality as a threat to the Church and civilized society.  We live in a country which has staggered through a Vietnam War, reeled through traumas of assassinations, criminality in the Presidency, the corruption of Congress, and the legalized anarchy of the CIA and the FBI.  Muggers, bombers, dope pushers and gun nuts run loose.  And the good doctor and the pious vestrypersons of Los Angeles rise to the crisis of the age by mounting a crusade to protect the Church from Christians whose sexual activity is not orthodox.

 

Those who propose such resolutions serve a purpose they do not intend, but one which is extremely useful for the cause of Gay Liberation.

 

First, Gays who drop their offering envelopes in the plate every Sunday, sing in the choir or serve on the vestry, turn out for work parties, and always say "yes" when asked by the Rector to help with some parish project are now put on notice.  They're regarded as sick sinners, not as brothers in Christ and loyal members of the Church.  This clarity assists immeasurably in the effort of consciousness-raising among complacent Episcopalian homosexuals.

 

Secondly, any Gay who reads these resolutions sees immediately that they are inspired by exaggerated fears and composed by authors who are nervous and panicky.  Such fears are specters arising from under­informed minds and over-excited imaginations.  So we find our opponents are not really the sane, sensible, solid citizens they would have us believe they are.  They're frightened folk who are making themselves look ridiculous as they try to shoo away spooks and goblins which don't exist.

 

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GOOD NEWS:  GOD IS NOT AN ELITIST!

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ON BEING GAY IN THE CHURCH

By William A. Doubleday

 

Preached at the Chapel of the Episcopal Divinity School, Cambridge, MA, 24 November 1975

 

In the name of God, Creator, Liberator, and sus­tainer.

 

We are gathered together this evening as a community to celebrate the Eucharist and to commemorate the life of Clement of Rome.  We have heard a collect and les­sons which the Standing Liturgical Commission believes are appropriate for such a liturgical occasion.  But this evening I do not propose to preach about the Saint of the Day, nor is it my intention to address this evening's propers, although the Gospel which we just heard might suggest a context of openness for what I am about to say.  We are gathered as a commun­ity for a Community Eucharist, and it is within that context that I indeed feel privileged to address a subject which is still rarely faced openly either by the Episcopal Church as a whole or by this seminary in particular -- a seminary, which so often in response to the Gospel of Jesus Christ has found itself functioning as a part of the cutting edge of ecclesiastical and social change.  I propose to deal with an issue which carries a highly negative valuation in terms of traditional social, psychological, theo­logical, scriptural, and moral perspectives; an issue which is at once sensitive in terms of the pub­lic relations of this school and threatening in terms of the emotional responses of the members of this community; and for me and for some others in this place at this time, the issue is both very per­sonal and unavoidable.  It is tied in an essential and critical way to the matter of identity and personhood; it is linked to our capacities to love and to our possibilities for ministry.  The issue is uniquely connected with our hopes and fears, with our joys and sorrows, with our deaths and with the possibility of experiencing Resurrection in our lives.  The issue of which I speak is that of "Gayness," or if you feel more comfortable with the term, the issue of homosexuality.

 

It is almost impossible for me to address the issue of "Gayness" without being somewhat personal and autobiographical, because the issue of "Gayness" is for me tied intimately to such essential matters as faith, love, relationships, and vocation.

 

My own experience with the Church has been one of tension and frustration in which I have heard and responded to the proclamation of a Gospel of Love, Truth, and Justice; and yet as I have come to know and to affirm myself in terms of all the dimensions of my personhood, including my "Gayness," as the Gay Person that I am, I have discovered a Church which is prepared to deny or to reject my capacity for and my experience of responsible and caring Love; I have experienced a Church which is not willing to hear the Truth about the orientation of my sexual identity or about the relationship to which I am committed without rejecting me and my potential for an ordained ministry; I have been confronted by a Church which does not really believe in justice for all people, because apparently it is all right to oppress Gay People, to harass them legally, to oppose them politically, to scorn them pastorally, to ignore them homiletically, and to condemn them morally, even when the only thing Gay People are seeking is the possibility of loving in accordance with and in response to the potential and the capacity for love with which hey were endowed by God their Creator.

 

I cannot recall precisely when I began to be in touch with the fact that I was and am a homosexual.  I struggled painfully throughout high school and college to avoid dealing with an increasing awareness of my homosexual feelings and urge.  I did not act upon those feelings at the time, and I made repeated efforts to conform to and to function heterosexually as the all-American, if somewhat "bookish," male that I was expec­ted to be, given the standards and values of my family, of my schools, of my church, and of our society.  But during this period I was likewise coming to believe deeply in Jesus Christ's Gospel of Love, Truth, and Justice which called me ever more forcefully to love God, to love my neighbor as myself, to love even Bill Doubleday, even the deepest secrets and the darkest parts of myself as I saw them at that time, parts of myself which I feared, dreaded, or despised.  Given the framework of values with which I had grown up, values inculcated by family, church, school, and society, it was only natural that at the time my homosexuality, my "gayness," should have seemed to be the ultimate negative dimension of my personhood.

 

It was only in my first year of seminary that I came to the full realization that my faith, my personhood, my vocation to the ministry, and my integrity demanded that I explore the homosexual dimensions of my self, of my feelings, and of my potential for loving and for relating to others.  The Gospel, I came to realize, did not call me to conceive of myself as an asexual being who was always afraid to be close to people and yet yearned desperately to love and to be loved.

 

The months since that realization and decision have not been without pain or anxiety.  My future is surely marked by uncertainty and at times a certain measure of fear.  There have been times, and there will continue to be such times, when my "Gayness" has meant death for certain hopes, dreams, fantasies, and aspirations.  But that same acceptance of myself as a Gay Person has opened me to the many dimensions and possibilities involved in the experience of love.  That affirmation of my homosexuality has been a rewarding experience of Rebirth for my Faith in a Loving God and of Resurrection for my oppressed spirit.  Yes, there are still moments of anger and depression; yes, there are days of doubt and frustration, but those times do not exist because of who I am; rather they exist because the Church which I have served faithfully and well as a layperson and as a seminarian will not ordain me, at least not at this time and perhaps never, because I will not deny my experience of Love, because I have spoken the Truth about myself and my homosexuality, because I would call the Church to respond in Love and with Justice for the oppressed Gay laypeople and for the oppressed Gay clergypersons in its midst.

 

Now I know that there are many people, including some Gay people in this place, who will say this evening:  "Why must Bill Doubleday or anyone else make the matter of a Gay sexual orientation a public issue?"  I believe that the answer to that question must be an individual one, but I make no apologies for what my answer may say to others about their own situations.

 

I can respect the situation of many Gay people in the Church who strive desperately to maintain the secret of their homosexuality in order that they may be ordained and might thereby have a ministry in the institutional Church.  But the costs and the paranoias of such a decision are often great.  It is a burden constantly to have to deny one's experience of and capacity for love.  It is difficult to be engaged in a loving and meaningful relationship when one's Bishop, one's parishioners, or even some of one's fellow/sister students would likely reject one should one's homosexuality become a matter of public or even private knowledge.  It is an offense to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I believe an affront to the integrity of the individual, to be told or to discover for one's self, that in order to be ordained and in order to have a ministry in the institutional Church, one must lie about or deny one's self, one's sexuality, one's experience of love, and the person one loves.  The Gay person must lie about or deny her or his homosexuality in order to pass psychiatric examinations, which are designed in part to screen Gay people out of the ministry, in order to pass the examination of Standing Committees and Commissions on Ministry, in order appropriately to answer the questions of bishops, rectors, and vestries who might eventually hire the person for a first curacy or for a later job in the Church.  Even if one gets past the hurdle and miraculously retains a capacity to love and an ability to distinguish the truth, the Gay clergyperson is still confronted with the continual possibility that one non-defensive moment or one vicious rumor about the truth about her or his life and love could likely bring an end to an active career and ministry in the Church.

 

So it was in light of those considerations, after two years of painful deliberation and much prayer, that last month I went to speak to my Bishop and said, "I want you to know that I feel called to the priesthood of the Episcopal Church and I wish to continue to seek ordination, but my sense of the Gospel and my understanding of what personal integrity is all about demand that I no longer deny or conceal my homosexuality."  My bishop's response is in some sense not yet final, but he has said in essence:  "I respect your courage and your integrity in raising this issue, but I cannot condone your practice.  I will put your candidacy status on hold and we will see where Bill Doubleday is in X number of years."  Since our meeting, my Bishop has written to me and suggested that I must realize that homosexuals are immature, are unable to relate to members of both sexes, are functioning contrary to the theology of Creation, are marked by larger personality problems, and are poor role models for children.  His reaffirmation of my courage and integrity seems but a token in the light of such an unfounded assault on Gay people in general.

 

It now would seem that my ministry, if it is to be, must be one without the sanction and the gifts of ordination.

 

But why, you may ask, do I speak to you about the Gay issue this evening?  My answer is four-fold.

 

First, I would summon you to respond to Christ's Gospel of Love, Truth, and Justice.  I would invite you to join me and others in this place in working actively to change the Church's traditional stand on homosexuality.  The day can come when Gay people will be evaluated on their merits without bias with respect to their sexual and affectional preference and orientation and will be ordained or not on the basis of their calling to and their capacity for ministry and priesthood.  The day must come when the clergy and laity of the Church will be able to respond with love and acceptance, rather than with hostility and fear, towards the Gay people who sit in the pews in our churches, who sing in our choirs, who serve at our altars, and who preach from our pulpits. The day is at hand, indeed it has come, when increasing numbers of Gay people will rise up in the seminaries, churches, and diocesan conventions of our Church and they will proclaim:

 

  "The God who created us, made us Gay and loves us.

  Christ who dies to set us free, knows that we are

     Gay and loves us.

  And the Holy Spirit who is active in our midst,

    even now and in times to come, sustains us and

    empowers our love."

 

Secondly, I would point to the relationship of the Gay and feminist issues within the Church.  It is indeed tragic that many closet Gay clergy are among the leading opponents of women's ordination.  Only as we begin to allow all the clergy of the Church to know the freedom of Love, the capacity for Truth, and the experience of Justice, can we expect to see an end to the misogynist attitudes which prevail among so many priests in our Church.  From another perspective, the unwarranted charge of Lesbianism is all too often employed against the vocations and ministries o£ our women deacons, priests, and seminarians.  Only as the Church begins seriously to educate itself about the  complexities of human sexuality and undertakes to explore all the dissension and dynamics of masculinity and femininity can we expect dioceses, parishes, clergy, and lay people to be truly open to the ministries of both men and women, of both homosexuals and heterosexuals, of both celibates and non-celibates.  But let me be quite clear about one thing.  I deplore ny proposal to have the Gay and women's issue considered together at the next General Convention, because I am certain such an eventuality would constitute certain death for the possibility of canonical ordination for women priests and for the affirmation of openly Gay clergy.  Canonical consideration of the Gay issue should not be necessary, but if the Gay issue is to be taken up at General Convention, let it be only after the ratification of women's ordination, which hopefully will come in Minneapolis in 1976.  Only as we work together to explore openly and actively the meaning of priesthood and the nature of its relationship to personhood, human sexuality, and ministry will we truly come to terms with a Gospel which calls us to believe and to act in the faith that ultimately there is no Jew, no Greek, no male, no female, no slave, no free, no Gay, no straight, for we are one in Christ Jesus.

 

Thirdly, I would suggest that all of us who are involved in ministry have a responsibility to know ourselves and the sexual dimensions of our personhood.  Issues of love, marriage, relationships, identity, and sexuality are among the most common and most pressing of pastoral and personal problems facing us in the ministry today, whether we function in parishes, in institutions, or as unemployed seminary graduates.  I believe that it is essential for people in the ministry to know where they are functioning in terms of sexual orientation and affectional preference.  We are not asexual beings and it is critical for us to know what signals we may be giving off and what vibrations we may be receiving within the context of counseling and pastoral care.  Do not misunderstand me.  I am not seeking converts to homosexuality, nor am I asking anyone to come out of any closet if that is where she or he is best able to function and to minister creatively and responsibly.  Do not misunderstand me.  I can greatly admire and respect a decision to pursue a vocation to a celibate life, If that is right for a particular individual.  Like­wise, if you to act upon your sexuality, whether it is Gay or straight, I can respect your desire for discretion and privacy, particularly given the Church's continuing difficulties in dealing openly or directly with matters of human sexuality.  But I would implore you to know who you are and where you are in terms of your own sexuality.  Once you know the answers to those questions, or at least have begun to explore them responsibly and creatively, you will be a lot less likely to react in fear upon hearing of someone else's problems or difficulties with love, marriage, relationships, or sexuality; you will be a lot less apt to project your own concerns or problems onto someone else; you will be a lot less likely to lay an oppressive trip on someone who is hurting enough already.  Do not misunderstand me.  I do not propose to exclude anyone from any ministry simply on account of his or her sexual preference.  Some heterosexuals are wonderful pastors for Gay people.  Some homosexuals to superb marriage counseling with troubled heterosexual marriages.  But I would implore you to know yourselves and I would ask you not to do counseling with anyone whose personhood you would call into question, whether that person is male or female, Black, White, Red, or Yellow, Gay or straight.  Misogyny, racism, and homophobia are three attitudes which have absolutely no place in Christian ministry.

 

Finally, I would close by expressing my deep love and respect for this school, for this community, for the Deans, Faculty, Staff, Students, and Spouses in this place.  I am well aware that there are still many seminary deans in this Church who would for scriptural, moral, or public relations reasons feel compelled to expel a seminarian who would affirm his or her "Gayness" publicly.  There are few if any academic institutions anywhere whose faculties would have given me as much support and encouragement as I have found here.  And I have experienced the rich gifts and the great joys of the friendship and love of a significant number of people in this community.  For all these and many other blessings which God and this community have bestowed upon me I am truly grateful, and for your willingness to listen to me this evening I am thankful.

 

But I must close finally with a note of both hope and caution.  This seminary is the unique locus of much hope and many new possibilities for Gay Christians.  Likewise, to whatever extent the seminary is such a place, it risks bad press, poor public relations, and the censure of ecclesiastical superiors.  I can only pray that the Liberating Power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ will continue to be active in our midst as we for the first time openly struggle to come to terms with the relationship of the Church to Gay People and with the relationship of Gay people to the Church.      AMEN.

 

OTHERS HAD TRIAL Of CRUEL MOCKINGS AND SCOURGINGS

                                           Hebrews 11:36

By Joseph W. Burns

 

I wish to record the case of a friend who has suffered more for his Gayness than anyone I ever knew.  If you would like the facts from him rather than me, he would probably agree to write them for you.

 

Paul (not his real name) is now sixty-seven years old, and living in a publicly owned high rise for the elderly.  Born in comfortable circumstances, Paul was cultured and well traveled in his youth.  Along with a brief profession­al career as an actor, Paul learned four languages, earned two masters degrees, and became a professor of English and Speech.

 

Being Gay came early and quite naturally to him.  He had no doubts or regrets about being Gay, then and now.  I must interject the comment that we assume our antecedents in Gay life had it harder than we.  Paul assures me that this is not true.  He claims to have belonged to a homophile group called the New Yorkers in the forties in New York City.  Incidentally, the events I recount below took place in Pennsylvania.

 

At 41, in 1952, Paul fell in love with a male student of his for the first and only time in his life.  They were involved in an affair.

 

I wish to note before I go further that any such liaison between a teacher or student is frowned upon, yet no less a personage than Will Durant, author of the famous Study of Civilization series, married a student of his as soon as she graduated, and they both now teach at the school.  I remember that the mild-mannered math teacher in high school had caused a flap some years before by marrying a student of his.  This was known to me and no other students my age only because my mother served many years on the school board.

 

Paul's relationship with his student in its short dura­tion was very satisfactory to both of them.  But the man's parents discovered the affair through a letter the young man was addressing to Paul.  In short order, Paul was arrested under the sodomy statutes and sent to trial.

 

Paul pleaded guilty, but a "humanitarian" judge, with the agreement of Paul's lawyer, decided to commit Paul to a mental institution rather than to jail.  Thus, rather than spending a few years in prison in which he would have fared better as a first-offender with parole in a short time, Paul spent six years in a mental hospital for the criminally insane.  He was officially classified as "without disorder."  In other words, he was a well ordered personality whose only aberration was Gayness. His mother died in this period.

 

Coming out of the hospital, Paul returned to a world which eventually drove him back to the hospital.  He had no friends --Gay or straight: they all shunned him.  He had no family.  And he could find no job, even a menial one, with his history.

 

Paul lived in the house his mother had left as the chief part of his inheritance.  He rented out a few rooms, and confined himself to the first floor.  In a couple of years, growing ever more despondent, Paul attempted suicide.

 

Since he had been a mental patient before the hospital to which he was taken transferred him to the mental hospital.  In about six weeks, he was ready to be released.  Other events occurred, however.

 

With his second commitment, the state moved that as a patient in a mental hospital he was incompetent to handle his own affairs.  His release from the hospital was postponed pending the resolution of the matter.  Without ever consulting a lawyer, attending any hear­ing or trial, or to his knowledge ever talking with any responsible person, Paul was declared incompetent.

 

Now his property was to be cared for or disposed of by some person other than Paul.  His only one living relative refused, so the court appointed a local bank to act as trustee.

 

The bank, with no need of permission, then liqui­dated Paul's entire estate, including his personal possessions.  All he ever recovered was an Irish harp which a friend had purchased at the auction.  Paul's funeral was arranged and pre-paid, as is legally required.  The bank took six percent.  The great bulk of his estate went to the mental institution; and about ten percent was given to Paul for his own use.

 

Paul stayed in the hospital for 12 years, leaving only when he did not have enough money left to pay for his next carton of cigarettes.  He came out to go on welfare.  Paul was only a first offender.

 

How many more Pauls are there?

 

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